i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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