dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
