I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
