Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize