He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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