"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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