I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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