I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
