I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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