woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
