I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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