we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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