he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
