I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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