If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
