Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
