she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
