i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
