I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
