At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
