But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
