did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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