he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
