BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
