Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
