Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me