He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Your penis caused this!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
