and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
