how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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