Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
