I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
