Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
