He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
