So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
People in love make me want to vomit
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
