I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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