The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Boobs are out for the taking
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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