I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
