I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
