dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
