I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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