btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize