so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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