Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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