I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Shame - the story of my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
