dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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