bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize