She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
