I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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