well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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