jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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