If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
