I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
