OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
