break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
