we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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