it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
