shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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