I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
