Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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