Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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