Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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