ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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