Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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