So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
