No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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