lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
