i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
