I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
