I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
