Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
