I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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