theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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