Got a toothbrush?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Randomize
