Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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