hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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