im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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