I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
