the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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