remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
