I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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